Infidelity is the biggest issue and a capital crime in marriage. It often results in divorce, separation and broken families. That is what statistics say. It does not mean it that you are included in those numbers. It does not necessarily mean it applies to you.
The first sight or discovery of infidel acts might quite be devastating. You might have gone to a bar and drank till you got drunk. You might have gone to your parents, siblings, or a friend and cried on their shoulder. And, you might have gone home, gone wild and gone are the fragile things.
Whatever your feelings might have been, they are perfectly normal. The feeling of being betrayed is normal. The first right thing you did was not to harm anyone of those infidels. The next right thing you did was to express and displace your feelings. Hurting any one of those infidels right away can be the first step in adding more injuries to your married life. Go on and get angry but don’t hurt others.
Surviving infidelity in marriage is never easy. Many have chosen the path of divorce and separation. Only few attempted to fix and repair that bridge to one another. We can’t control the unfaithful partner but we can control our actions. You can still do something for your marriage, for your love. Witnessing an infidel act does not mean it is the end. It is just the beginning of the many challenges you have to face in your married life.
Your question might be on what to do next. You have already vented out the feelings of anger and hurt. Now, you are a bit calm to talk with your unfaithful partner.
Talk about what you feel. Mention that you are hurt. Feel free to express that you are betrayed. However, express your feeling without cursing or using bad words as much as possible. This may pour more fuel to the fire. Let the partner also have a say on the situation. Try to listen to his or her side. Don’t confirm whether it is true or not. Just mention that you are really hurt so as to avoid leading into more arguments.
Them you will have to talk on future plans. Talk on how you will save your marriage. Talk on how the unfaithful partner has to make up for his faults. Talk on how you should heal the pain taking into account the time and place such as meditating in a monastery for days or week or staying with the parents for a month. You must be clear and definite on everything you have to say. And the most important thing is you have to talk calmly.
After fulfilling the request discussed, forgiveness and reconciliation will begin to commence. For a jump start for a better married life, go and hear a mass together.